I am 36 + 1 weeks today and in major nesting mode. I had a nightmare last night that Elizabeth was going to come next week and I was completely unprepared. I then woke up to an extremely clingy 2 year old because she saw us unpacking alot of her newborn “stuff” out of boxes and all of a sudden she wanted to be a baby again. It seems from other moms’ experiences that this is quite normal.. but it was nonetheless quite unbearable how clingy she was especially when you’re trying to actually get things done.
I’d be lying if I said I haven’t been super high strung and stressed out lately. I had scheduled to have our nanny come for just 3 hours today because I really just wanted some grown up alone time with my husband without any distraction. I wanted to re-connect with him because that connection gives me so much strength to power through a difficult day.
In my mind, I had planned to dress really cute, throw on some heels and feel good about myself. But as I rushed to get ready 30minutes before we were supposed to leave the house, I was changing out of outfit after outfit, nothing fit right, no bottoms fit my belly, and it was really cold out today. I didn’t have a whole lot of options. Couple this with my stress level from everything else, I was about to burst out in tears. Over something sooooo silly. I know. But I think any mom would relate to this.
The insecurity about your body that pregnancy can bring is real. My body though through pictures looked pretty much the same after I had Emma, it’s not. My linea nigra never fully went away, and then I became pregnant again. So now it’s back. My belly button is now a completely different shape than pre baby, and the skin on my belly does not have the same elasticity that it did pre baby no matter how tight my abs are. That’s the reality. My nipples are darker than pre baby, and as strange as it sounds, it’s one of the things that really bothers me. Maybe because there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it. One boob sits lower than the other because I nursed Emma a lot more on one side.
I am so flattered by the lovely messages you guys send me complimenting how good I looked after having Emma and through this pregnancy. But inside, I still have my insecurities. It’s so hard to look stylish, to not look like a whale, to feel good about myself.
That being said, I’ve learnt so much from my first pregnancy with Emma. In my first pregnancy, I was extremely insecure about my body because I didn’t know how my body would recover post pregnancy. I held on so tightly to my physical appearance pre baby. It was like my physical body was my identity.
This time, for the most part of my pregnancy i’ve been very good about maintaining a positive body image, and reminding myself that carrying and growing a human being for 10months is such an amazing thing that I am privileged to experience, and the gift at the end of it all, my sweet little baby, is way more precious than any pregnancy scar or dark nipples that “bothers me so much”. I also remind myself that post baby this time, I’m still going to have to deal with the loose skin and excess weight for a while until I can get back into a work out routine. I’m going to have to be patient to allow my linea nigra time to fade, and I’m not going to look like a hollywood celebrity mama who gave birth a week ago and immediately has a flawless bikini body. And I surely don’t need to put that kind of pressure on myself.
As mothers, we deserve so much credit for what we put our bodies through throughout the 10months of pregnancy. And we absolutely deserve to take those bodily changes as a badge of achievement rather than a scar. Some of them will eventually fade and some will stay with us forever. We ought to find beauty in the ones that remain, because it will remind us everytime we see it, how strong we are, for ourselves and for our children who will forever be our babies whom we carried in our womb for 10months.
There is nothing special in this outfit that I finally managed to pull together, but I wanted to share it because before I finally got dressed, I caught myself allowing my mind to be so negative about my pregnant body that it was making me so upset. And I stopped myself in time. I told myself, so what if i’ve worn this pair of gym pants that has a hole in it somewhere, for the past 3 days? So what if this top makes me look bigger than I really am? And so what if I do look like a whale? I need to embrace and love my body for what it is now because I have a beautiful baby girl nestled in my womb, growing little by little each day to make her entrance into this world.
So while this may not be my favorite outfit I’ve ever worn, sharing it regardless shows even myself that I can be confident in my own preggo mama skin.
But yes so I am wearing the same yoga pants that I wear every single day when lounging around the house. I just threw on some heels and a leather jacket to make it look less like yoga pants and more like regular leggings..
So to all my fellow mommies, lets love and embrace our post baby bodies! Or if you happen to have a friend who is pregnant, throw a compliment her way, she deserves it and would appreciate it so much!
And at the end of the day today, our lovely neighbors’ dad who is 83 years old told me when he saw me, “Alicia, do you know my dad once said, the most beautiful woman on earth, is a pregnant woman, because she carries life.” What more needs to be said?