I am sitting at a coffeeshop with Mike as I write my first post in a long time. In fact, the last time I ever touched my laptop was probably 6 months ago. I am writing this on my notes because my blog url and wordpress account expired without me even knowing. Thats how long I’ve been out of touch with technology other than whatsapp, instagram, and snapchat. The last writing in my notes, aptly, is my hospital bag list that I wrote on January 21st 2015 as we anticipated Emma’s arrival. It is the perfect example of how long ago it was that I actually wrote down something important and that the contents were, SO mommy related.
We have been sitting at coffeeshops Monday, Wednesday and Friday mornings the past 2 weeks while our nanny Selina comes over to watch Emma. Mike works long shifts basically 3 weeks in a row. So the time that he’s off, we try to spend together. He works on Gymshack and catches up on emails, while I usually read one of the many christian mommy books that I’ve been collecting. They have helped me tremendously, so nourishing for the soul and indeed reminds me that while I may not have many mommy friends in real life, (aka. 1. literally 1 only, and she lives in New York, an 8 hour drive away from me // this happens when you are the first of all your friends to get married and have babies) – Jesus is a friend, who understands the wondrous joy of being a mother, as well as the real struggles that come with this very important job.
It has been a week of self reflection and pondering over the many things I’ve learnt from the books I’ve been reading and my quiet time with God. I love Emma to death and I miss her every time i step out the door. But I know that for me to be able to shower her with love, patience and attention, I need to be nourished myself. So this time alone at a coffeeshop has been much needed. I now understand how I need to be filled with the word so that I can serve my family with overflow rather than an emptying tank. Boy has that changed my perspective on life!
I felt compelled to start writing again, because I want you new, lonely, lost, and disheartened mommies out there to know that you are not alone. To my many friends who don’t have babies yet but one day will become mommies, this is for you too. I look back and wish I had read a little more to prep myself for motherhood. I want to share my journey of learning, growing, healing and becoming stronger with the ladies who understand. I want to learn from all you other amazing mommies out there as you feel safe in this space to share your experiences too. Admist all the very edited versions of people’s lives on social media, maybe, just maybe we can find ourselves a place in this virtual world, to truly support, encourage and be real with one another.