So the word is out! We are pregnant at currently 13 weeks with baby no. 2 and we couldn’t be more thankful!

I have the condition endometriosis that can cause infertility, so we decided in June that maybe we should start trying just in case it would take us a while to get pregnant. And wow, 3.5 weeks after being off the pill we found out we were pregnant. It reminded me how much little ones are such a blessing from God!

For the longest time after having Emma, Mike and I said we couldn’t imagine being parents all over again with another one! We played around with the idea for awhile that maybe 1 child was enough for us.

Emma wasn’t the easiest newborn. She had a really sensitive stomach and had to be on gentle formula or she would throw up at every feed! Mike remembers her newborn phase as.. ” if she wasn’t sleeping, she was crying.” I struggled so much with nursing her and I only lasted 1 month trying and we gave up. That in itself was a hard process. I felt so guilty about not nursing her, yet I was hurting so much physically. She was always very impatient and extremely aggressive if you know what I mean. I also hadn’t done enough research about the whole process, I was pumping for a straight hour each time that I felt like if she wasn’t on me, I was pumping! And that hurt SO much. Well, clearly I wasn’t doing the whole thing right. It was a really difficult time emotionally and physically. While other mothers would find that nursing gave them and their babies a stronger bond, Emma and I had it the opposite. Emma was always very hungry and losing weight, I was so frustrated, guilty and in pain all at once, I hated every feed.

After many talks with Mike, he assured me over and over again that it was ok to give up, if she had to be on formula. I finally fully gave up when she turn a month old and boy did that make everything a lot easier! I have SO much respect for mothers who nurse, and wish I could have done it too. At the same time, I had to decide what was best for Emma and I. Comparing myself with other moms would only make both of us miserable. And I’m thankful for Mike’s assurance. As we all know, the amount of self doubt you have as a new mother is immense. I was worried if Emma would get sick more often being on formula, if she was getting the antibodies and nutrients she needed, if her and I would still have a special bond even though we didn’t share the nursing experience.. So many worries. And the one thing that comforted me was that, God knows whats best for Emma, and he would keep her healthy.

And yes now that Emma is 18 months old, i’d happily say she is fit as a fiddle, cute and chubby, overall a very happy baby! We are best buddies and surely still share a special bond even though we didn’t share the nursing experience. As I am writing this, she’s dancing in front of the TV watching Frozen (: Oh i love her so much!

I don’t know how similar or different this whole process would be with baby bear no. 2, but I hear how every baby is very different, so I’m preparing myself for a whole new challenge altogether! Some nights I can’t sleep as I worry my labor & delivery process this time would not be as straightforward and easy as with Emma, or the fear of having to split my attention between 2, if I will be able to give each of them the love & care they both deserve, does my heart have room for 1 more when it seems like Mike & Emma takes up the full capacity of the love I can give.. Oh yes, I still worry, even though in my heart I know the answers to my own doubts. At the end of it all, it will all be worth it! I will have another little one I’d love with all my heart. Thats just the heart of a mother (:

Emma is really excited to be a big sister! I took her to our 12 week ultrasound with our nanny Selina, and while the technician was scanning my belly, Emma actually thought she was hurting me, she started whimpering and then crying, wanting to hug me. She is such a compassionate little one, I know it. After some reassurance, she realised through the screens that there was a baby in there. It was kicking punching and spinning upside down(: Ever since then, when we ask Emma where’s the baby, she points to my belly, and goes “bah-be, bah-be” . She picks up the ultrasound pictures in the gentlest manner and stares at it intensely. It’s the sweetest thing.

All in all I am extremely excited to be pregnant in the Fall & Winter. I can be all cosy in bulky sweaters hiding the pounds that I am about to gain (: I was pregnant with Emma in the Fall & Winter too and I loved it! Their due dates are so close, Emma was born on March 2, and baby no. 2 is due on March 31st, and my birthday falls on March 30th. So I may spend my birthday in labor & delivery, while march will be a very expensive month for Mike with 3 birthdays in a single month!

If any of you mommies are pregnant too, a HUGE congratulations!! please drop me a message I would love to share our pregnancy experiences! X

Love,

Alicia

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